Department No. IV · Listening room

Four programmes, one work at a time.

The department keeps no recordings and lends no headphones. It keeps instead four ordered programmes — forty minutes, half an hour of rain, a grand evening, and a Sunday morning — with notes on each work and the conduct expected of the second row.

40Minutes, Programme A

IVGraded programmes

IBench, shared in silence

Programme A

First Visit c. 40 minutes with pauses

For the newcomer · Three short works · Pauses for the notes to settle.

The department admits beginners by the front door and seats them near the aisle. Three works, each under ten minutes of music, with pauses between for reading, breathing, and the creak of the bench.

1. Mozart, Eine kleine Nachtmusik, K.525 (1787), first movement, c. 6 min — daylight made audible; listen for the two shapes at the opening and how far they travel. Pause. 2. Chopin, Nocturne in E-flat major, Op. 9 No. 2 (1832), c. 5 min — the famous melody; notice how it is decorated more richly each time it returns. Pause. 3. Mendelssohn, Wedding March from A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Op. 61 (1842), excerpt, c. 5 min — the procession everybody knows, heard for once without a wedding attached. Music c. 16 min; with pauses and programme notes, c. 40 min.

Programme B

Rainy Afternoon c. 35 minutes with pauses

For wet Thursdays · Slow music, then weather · The Usher’s favourite.

When the rain outlasts the bulletin, the department plays its shortest programme and lets the afternoon do the rest. Three works for falling light: a moonlit sonata, a variations’ cradle-song, and a storm in nine minutes.

1. Beethoven, Piano Sonata No. 14 “Moonlight”, Op. 27 No. 2 (1801), c. 15 min complete — the first movement is the still surface; stay for the finale’s weather. Pause for the window. 2. Bach, Aria from the Goldberg Variations, BWV 988 (1741), c. 4 min — thirty-two bars of perfect calm, before or apart from the thirty variations. Pause. 3. Chopin, Ballade No. 1 in G minor, Op. 23 (1835), c. 9 min — a novel in nine minutes; the closing pages are the thunder the afternoon promised. Music c. 28 min; with pauses, c. 35 min.

Programme C

Grand Evening c. 90 minutes with interval

For the committed · Two symphonies whole · Interval for the bench.

Twice yearly the department keeps late hours and plays two symphonies complete, with an interval for the bench, the stairs, and second thoughts. No excerpts are permitted on grand evenings; the Usher locks the abridgements away.

1. Mozart, Symphony No. 40 in G minor, K.550 (1788), c. 30 min complete — urgency without heaviness, from the opening agitation to the finale’s reckoning. Interval, c. 15 min — the bench is aired. 2. Beethoven, Symphony No. 5 in C minor, Op. 67 (1808), c. 35 min complete — four notes through darkness into daylight; the finale requires the whole preceding half-hour to earn it. Music c. 65 min; with interval, c. 90 min.

Programme D

Sunday Morning c. 50 minutes with pauses

For the unhurried · Strings, song, and daylight · Newly shelved.

Four works for clear light: a quartet slow movement, three songs, a cello suite, and a lullaby correctly attributed. Latecomers are seated between works and remain for the whole.

1. Haydn, String Quartet “Emperor”, Op. 76 No. 3 (1797), slow movement, c. 7 min — the hymn before the anthem. Pause. 2. Schubert, Selections from Winterreise, D. 911 (1827), three songs, c. 12 min — bring a coat, even indoors. Pause. 3. Bach, Cello Suite No. 1, BWV 1007 (c.1720), excerpt, c. 6 min — a single line that fills a room. Pause. 4. Brahms, Wiegenlied, Op. 49 No. 4 (1868), c. 2 min — the lullaby everybody knows. Music c. 27 min; with pauses and notes, c. 50 min.

Etiquette of the second row One work at a time. No telephone — the Usher confiscates in spirit. Sit in the second row, applaud only when the Usher nods, and leave quietly between works.

How to listen

Listening, as distinct from hearing, is a seated activity. Choose the second row: near enough to see the turning of pages, far enough not to be implicated in it. Read the programme note once, then put it down; the music will refer to the note about as often as the note deserves.

Take one work at a time. Do not compare the performance with another you prefer, do not rehearse your errands during the slow movement, and do not applaud between movements — applause is withheld until the Usher nods, and the Usher nods when the work, not the audience, is finished.

The telephone is to be silenced, pocketed, and forgotten; the Usher confiscates telephones in spirit, there being no basket large enough for the fact. Whispering is permitted only to supply the catalogue number, and then only once. Coughing is forgiven between movements and nowhere else.

Beginners sometimes fear they are listening incorrectly. There is no incorrect listening, only inattentive listening — and inattention, like rain, passes. If a work escapes you, sit through the pause and try the next; the department lends nothing but recommends everything, and the bench is patient.