Department No. VIII · Administration

Plain keeping.

The words are kept dry, level, and unadmired. The rules below are sufficient.

IVRules observed

IIAdmitted

IIReturned

Rules of keeping

Rule I. Enthusiasm is discouraged. Staff shall not describe a workaday word as delightful, gorgeous, or powerful. The permitted adjectives are: present, adequate, and kept.

Rule II. No display. The sixteen words shall not be illuminated, calligraphed, or set in posters. They appear in the standard typeface, at the standard size, like everything else.

Rule III. Use plainly. A kept word is to be used in ordinary sentences and returned to its entry. Example sentences shall involve tea, desks, forms, queues, or weather, and nothing else if avoidable.

Rule IV. No lending to poetry without a form. Any request to borrow THING or MUCH for metaphorical purposes must be submitted in triplicate and will be mislaid.

The Keeper inspects the words quarterly with a duster and a nod. This has been found sufficient since 1961.

Admissions register

Two recent admissions are recorded below. Both were processed without applause.

Admit. 41

Very Admitted

Declined by the Remarkable Words department as too frequent and too plain. Referred here.

Record. Received Tuesday, 10.15 a.m. Checked and found correct: Old French verai, from Latin verus, true. Decision: admitted. No ceremony held.

"No tea was offered."

Admit. 38

Okay Admitted

Arrived from America in an envelope marked O.K. Spelling queried, then accepted as standard.

Record. Received 1964, by post. Checked and found correct: 1839, oll korrect. Decision: admitted. Filed under O.

"Suitability confirmed."

Returns register

Words too interesting for this department are returned to the Remarkable Words department. Staff are asked to check before applying.

Return 07

Serendipity Returned

Too interesting by some distance. Coined by Horace Walpole, 1754. Contains princes, chance, and delight.

Record. Applied here by mistake. Too good for this shelf. Returned with a note to Word 08 of the Remarkable Lexicon.

"Decision: returned."

Return 09

Defenestration Returned

Conspicuously interesting. Involves throwing persons from windows, notably at Prague, 1618. Cannot be kept flat.

Record. Left on the counter. Latin de- + fenestra, window. Showy. Returned forthwith to the Remarkable Lexicon.

"Decision: returned."

Duster rotaThe quarterly dusting proceeds Thursday. Words 01–08 before lunch; Words 09–16 after. VERY, being recently admitted, will be dusted twice so as not to feel singled out, then not again until next quarter. Humming during dusting counts as enthusiasm.