Department No. V · Room cards 5A–5J
The department keeps ten rooms for waiting, standing, sitting, and listening through the floor. Each has its card, its seats, and its ordinance.
Room 5A
The magazines date from 2019 and are kept because nobody finishes them, which makes them exactly right for waiting. The clock runs four minutes fast so that latecomers arrive early and early comers feel punctual. Nothing is called on time, and nothing, so far, has been missed.
Ordinance. Telephones silent; books permitted; staring at ordinary objects encouraged.
Room 5B
Kept for the first train, before the day has made up its mind. The announcements at that hour are mellifluous — honeyed, unhurried, and of no urgency whatever. Passengers are requested to stand behind the line and ahead of their thoughts.
Ordinance. Queue without sighing; approval shown by remaining seated a moment longer.
Room 5C
The queue forms at eleven precisely and is the department’s most punctual room, containing as it does no furniture. Places are kept by standing in them. Conversation is limited to nods. The new room card records what regulars already practise: impatience is permitted, provided it makes no sound.
Ordinance. Queue without sighing; those who arrive together need not sit together.
Room 5D
The launderette is not part of the Institute, but its hum comes up through the floorboards and is kept anyway, as accompaniment. The stool belongs to no one and is therefore sat upon by everyone. Laundry heard but not seen is considered the correct proportion of domestic life.
Ordinance. Staring at ordinary objects encouraged; applause withheld in all circumstances.
Room 5E
The bench is kept in Room 1 · Floor 2, where it may be supervised. Varnished but not comfortable, on the principle that a little discomfort keeps the mind in the room. The end seat nearest the door is yielded to anyone carrying more than you; the middle seat is taken last and vacated first.
Ordinance. Yield the bench-end seat; never wake the sleeping.
Room 5F
The stairwell contains fourteen steps, counted each spring by the Warden of the Bench and found, to date, unchanged. The window at the landing turn looks onto brick and is kept uncleaned at the corners, so the light enters softly. Two steps — the seventh and the ninth — are designated as seats, being of suitable depth and varnished at the edge.
Ordinance. Sit on the seventh or ninth step only; count silently, if counting at all.
Room 5G
The cloakroom holds eleven umbrellas, unclaimed since various wet years and now kept as standing company. The single stool is reserved for those putting on overshoes slowly, which is the only permitted pace in this room. Dripping is tolerated; shaking is not.
Ordinance. Take a numbered ticket for nothing; leave umbrellas where they stand.
Room 5H
The corridor measures twenty-one paces end to end and is kept for pacing rather than passing through. Three chairs stand against the wall for those between paces. Footsteps are to be even and unhurried; overtaking is discouraged as a form of commentary.
Ordinance. Pace without sighing; yield the centre line to no one, slowly.
Room 5I
The window seat looks down upon the launderette roof, where steam rises at intervals and is watched with approval. It seats two, though regulars prefer one, leaving the second place for a bag, a book, or a folded coat kept for company. The cushions are thin by ordinance, so sitters remain faintly attentive to the hum below.
Ordinance. Staring at ordinary objects encouraged; conversation limited to nods.
Room 5J
The kiosk sold tickets, then tea, then nothing at all, and since 2019 has sold nothing with complete consistency. The shutter is varnished annually alongside the Bench. Four standing places are marked before the closed hatch for those queuing out of habit, which the department recognises as a form of loyalty.
Ordinance. Queue without sighing; do not wake the kiosk, which is not asleep but closed.